Tuesday, October 14, 2014


Hello all! I know you probably have all assumed I've quit this blogging thing. But rest assured (I hope) that that is pas vrai! Here's a quick update:
I know, crazy.But it's true.
I am on Foreign exchange for the next year in Belgium. And as a part of my exchange I am learning french thus making the best decision for me to take a hiatus from book blogging. I can't spend all my time holed up in my room, nor should I be reading English books. SO as much as I have been missing my blog so much!I do need to take a break. If you follow my on blogger or blog lovin' you'll be able to see the next time I post, but if not I try and do my best at getting the word out that I'm back.
If you would like to follow my travels you can check out my travel blog here.
I will see you on the other side!
Bisous! <3

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Rain's Reviews: Tremor by Patrick Carman

Tremor by Patrick Carman

Tremor (Pulse, #2)In the year 2051, some people have a second pulse… 

Like all who have “the pulse,” Faith Daniels and Dylan Gilmore have telekinetic powers—they can move objects with their minds. But there are five “second pulses” in the world who have an even greater power: Almost nothing can harm them. They are virtually indestructible.

Both Faith and Dylan have the second pulse. But the other side has second pulses, too, and they’ve been training for a war that has been brewing their entire lives. As Dylan executes a plan to infiltrate enemy grounds, he’ll have to face his only weakness, and a family secret that will threaten his very existence.

Together, Faith and Dylan are the only hope this world has left, but they must go their separate ways in order to accomplish their plan. Will their love survive?

With richly developed characters and heart-pounding action scenes, the second book in Patrick Carman’s Pulse trilogy continues the electrifying dystopian story of love and revenge.~Goodreads


Tremor was a mind blowing sequel to Pulse. I have been a little anti-series lately but I thoroughly enjoyed reading this book. There were small discrepancies but overall I could handle it.

Faith was a little rebelious in the first book. Somewhat unreliable, all characteristic things for a teenage girl in YA Lit, but Faith has reached an entirely new level. She is positively mutinous in this book. Its like she intentionally seeks out opportunities to go against Meredith's command. And though there were moments that I thought all of it was completely justified (I have no appreciation for a tyrannical leader) there are lines that need not be crossed. And she took her anger out on everyone, no consideration who it was. You get some answers regarding her unruly emotions and other things concerning her powers that were both useful and interesting, so that is helpful. Anyways, She felt a little less well rounded then she did in the last book but the story felt shorter as well.

Carman had a lot to squeeze into one book. Jumping around to all of the characters involved takes a lot of time. It never really gets boring for me, I love diving into everyone's perspective and seeing how they see the same situations and Carman does each one uniquely so its not like you are reading the same passage three times.

Lets just lay something right out there. All of the characters- clear cross the board- seemed less dimensional. That was a disappointment for me.

Anyways, Dylan was cool. Always the solid rock in the emotional turmoil that is this book. Never wavering, never unpredictable, a solid due you could really get behind, understand and become close to. Well not too close, he seemed quite cold until like the last page but I think that had to do with the lack of character development in anyone.

Hawk is just as awesome as ever and I wish he was my best friend. He get a bit of a darker side to him but I still appreciated his role and personality. Always awesome to have him on your side.

Dylan, Clara, Andre, and Gretchen are just as evil, vile, and generally frustrating as ever. Dylan got a little under my skin, like I almost started caring for him again but now I'm just a tiny bit confused about his true self and end game.

The book had plenty of secrets, action, and seriousness. Don't read it for a light fun summer read. But do read it. I wait impatiently for the next one.

Have you read it? What did you think, I'd love to talk about it!


Liberty Bay Books: Tremor

***Hey guys! Friendly reminder. I am an affiliate with Liberty Bay Books and while that in no way effects how I review these books (as you can probably tell by my review) It benefits a great locally owned shop and myself if you purchase these great books through the link above. Thank you bunches!***

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Rain's Reviews: Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky

Perk Of Being a Wallflower

The Perks of Being a Wallflower
Charlie is a freshman.

And while he's not the biggest geek in the school, he is by no means popular. Shy, introspective, intelligent beyond his years yet socially awkward, he is a wallflower, caught between trying to live his life and trying to run from it.

Charlie is attempting to navigate his way through uncharted territory: the world of first dates and mix tapes, family dramas and new friends; the world of sex, drugs, and The Rocky Horror Picture Show, when all one requires is that perfect song on that perfect drive to feel infinite. But he can't stay on the sideline forever. Standing on the fringes of life offers a unique perspective. But there comes a time to see what it looks like from the dance floor.

The Perks of Being a Wallflower is a deeply affecting coming-of-age story that will spirit you back to those wild and poignant roller-coaster days known as growing up.~ Goodreads


Can I just say? I want to be a wallflower? I man despite the drugs and the PTSD and all that it seems like at the very least an interesting life to have.

I'm sure after that introduction you decide to completely disregard everything I am about to say. Good. I'm glad. Because what I'm about to say will probably undermine the deeper meaning of the book and set back the teenage moment a decade (haha) and so please for the love of God stop reading.

Now that I am by myself I am going to be honest. This book didn’t speak to me on a very seep level. There were a few moment were I knew exactly what he was talking about.

“I don’t know if you’ve ever felt like that. That you wanted to sleep for a thousand years. Or just not exist. Or just not be aware that you do exist. Or something like that. I think wanting that is very morbid, but I want it when I get like this. That’s why I’m trying not to think. I just want it all to stop spinning.”

Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

The idea of depression and suicide have always been intriguing to me as I’m sure many people are intrigued with things they could never fully understand. So getting inside this guys brain was cool. I also loved the way that Chbosky wrote the teenager’s life. Its gritty, its confusing, its lonely even when you’re in a crowd, its a half life. and I appreciate how he painted it. There was cussing, there was sex, there was gay romance, there was just about everything I try to stay aways from in a book but it wasn’t shoved at you. It was honestly portrayed in a way that shows you can’t avoid it in this world. Its not a book I’d recommend to anyone. If you want to read it, read it on your own accord and make your own decisions. I don’t want to make them for you in this case. Its raw, its real, its honest. And I appreciate that.

This is not so much a review because I still don’t know how I feel about the characters, the writing, anything, in this subject I am useless and I can’t really tell you why I am going to post this. But I am. So tell me, if anyone is reading this, what you thought of the book. Please.



Thursday, June 19, 2014

Cover Reveal: Quake by Patrick Carman

SO I just finished Tremor two days ago. I am sitting at the edge of m seat waiting for the next one right? (Hoping it was better than the last) and then I'm snooping through Epic Reads and then




The new cover for Quake! Every one can feel a quake. Few can create one. dun Dun DUN....
Just rest assured you will know the second this comes out.

Tuesday, June 17, 2014


Rain's Reviews: Dorothy Must Die by Dannielle Paige

Dorothy Must Die by Danielle Paige

Dorothy Must Die (Dorothy Must Die, #1)
I didn't ask for any of this. I didn't ask to be some kind of hero.

But when your whole life gets swept up by a tornado—taking you with it—you have no choice but to go along, you know?

Sure, I've read the books. I've seen the movies. I know the song about the rainbow and the happy little blue birds. But I never expected Oz to look like this. To be a place where Good Witches can't be trusted, Wicked Witches may just be the good guys, and winged monkeys can be executed for acts of rebellion. There's still the yellow brick road, though—but even that's crumbling.

What happened? Dorothy.

They say she found a way to come back to Oz. They say she seized power and the power went to her head. And now no one is safe.

My name is Amy Gumm—and I'm the other girl from Kansas.

I've been recruited by the Revolutionary Order of the Wicked.

I've been trained to fight.

And I have a mission.~Goodreads


Dorothy Must Die was original, predictable, and odd.
The lead character Amy Gumm is a Kansas dwelling miserable teen with a drunk mother and a hard school life. She arrives at Oz on a tornado and it all goes South from there. She is sarcastic, but not witty. She is a fighter, but not confident in it. Amy has been put in a situation that requires commitment, a strange mixture of trust and mistrust, common sense, and a sense of self preservation. She owns almost none of those things. She has commitment and that is about it. Despite this and her occasional stupidity induced embarrassing moments I actually liked her. Nox (cool name right?) right away and forever more reminded me of Four from Divergent.. He is the complicated, dark, serious guy that is in every fantasy novel. He had a glimmer of innocence to him that intrigued me but over all he was predictable.
Overall I think predictability is my biggest complaint. The writing style and character development were fine but I knew what was coming from a mile away and it wasn't because it was a retelling. Despite the wonderment this story contained and could have potentially contained I think that somewhere along the way it fell short.


"No matter how tough you think you are, there are certain things that just get to you, and they are usually the little things. The one you don't expect." Danielle Paige, Dorothy Must Die

Liberty Bay Books: Dorothy Must Die

***Hey guys! Friendly reminder. I am an affiliate with Liberty Bay Books and while that in no way effects how I review these books (as you can probably tell by my review) It benefits a great locally owned shop and myself if you purchase these great books through the link above. Thank you bunches!***

Monday, June 16, 2014


Hey! I know I've been MIA, I've missed posting SO much but I just have not been able to. And then I stopped reading for a while. Not really for any reason other than that I was flat broke and NOTHING was looking appealing. A long overdue trip to the library fixed that and I am out of my slump. I am currently reading Tremor by Patrick Carman, Grayson by Lynne Cox, and Anna Karenina by (as I'm sure you know) Leo Tolstoy. So, I should be done with two of the three books by the end of the week and I am hoping to get back to posting at least once a week. SO that should be it right about now. Just some housekeeping. Thanks for sticking with me :)

Monday, March 31, 2014

Rain's Review: Trust Me I'm Lying by Mary Elizabeth Summer

Trust Me I'm Lying by Mary Elizabeth Summer

Trust Me, I'm Lying
Fans of Ally Carter, especially her Heist Society readers, will love this teen mystery/thriller with sarcastic wit, a hint of romance, and Ocean’s Eleven–inspired action.

Julep Dupree tells lies. A lot of them. She’s a con artist, a master of disguise, and a sophomore at Chicago’s swanky St. Agatha High, where her father, an old-school grifter with a weakness for the ponies, sends her to so she can learn to mingle with the upper crust. For extra spending money Julep doesn’t rely on her dad—she runs petty scams for her classmates while dodging the dean of students and maintaining an A+ (okay, A-) average.

But when she comes home one day to a ransacked apartment and her father gone, Julep’s carefully laid plans for an expenses-paid golden ticket to Yale start to unravel. Even with help from St. Agatha’s resident Prince Charming, Tyler Richland, and her loyal hacker sidekick, Sam, Julep struggles to trace her dad’s trail of clues through a maze of creepy stalkers, hit attempts, family secrets, and worse, the threat of foster care. With everything she has at stake, Julep’s in way over her head . . . but that’s not going to stop her from using every trick in the book to find her dad before his mark finds her. Because that would be criminal.


Trust Me I'm Lying was a very captivating book. It was a mystery with a criminal edge that keeps you awake at night reading. I wasn't able to guess at things that was going to happen (though I can't usually anyways). The characters were OK. I'm not a big fan of love triangles but this one was really understated and I'm not sure that I would call it a love triangle. The romance that did happen was cut but I ffel like it was stuck awkardly in there far to out of proportion to the issue at hand. The action- well I really liked it. There wasn't a ton of guns firing life or death stuff but there was fun stuff like car chases, narrow escapes, and snooping. It was totally up my alley.
Julep was great fun-except for when Tyler was around until she got used to him. It wasn't the the interection that botherd me so much as the self talk that became really repetitive. Other than that she wa a breave, smart, strong female character that gives me a reason to keep reading young adult romances.
Sam and Tyler were both nice of a bit tragically  under developed but I think that that's just me being greedy.For the story they got their job done with no gaping holes in their story or the books plot. They were both really fun to read though I personnaly liked Sam better (shhh....).
The book overall is deffinitly something I would recommend. The language and romance were clean and though some of the action was shocking none of it was inapropriate. Happy reading y'all and pick this up in stores in Oct!
Liberty Bay Books: Trust Me, I'm Lying

Monday, February 17, 2014

Rain's Reviews: There You'll Find Me by Jenny B. Jones

There You'll Find Me by Jenny B. Jones

There You'll Find Me
Grief brought Finley to Ireland. Love will lead her home.

Finley Sinclair is not your typical eighteen-year-old. She’s witty, tough, and driven. With an upcoming interview at the Manhattan music conservatory, Finley needs to compose her audition piece. But her creativity disappeared with the death of her older brother, Will.

She decides to study abroad in Ireland so she can follow Will’s travel journal. It’s the place he felt closest to God, and she’s hopeful being there will help her make peace over losing him. So she agrees to an exchange program and boards the plane.

Beckett Rush, teen heartthrob and Hollywood bad boy, is flying to Ireland to finish filming his latest vampire movie. On the flight, he meets Finley. She’s the one girl who seems immune to his charm. Undeterred, Beckett convinces her to be his assistant in exchange for his help as a tour guide.

Once in Ireland, Finley starts to break down. The loss of her brother and the pressure of school, her audition, and whatever it is that is happening between her and Beckett, leads her to a new and dangerous vice. When is God going to show up for her in this emerald paradise?

Then she experiences something that radically changes her perspective on life. Could it be God convincing her that everything she’s been looking for has been with her all along? ~GoodReads~~~

Rain's Reviews

I was waiting to read this book for over a year. I got kind of stuck in a I'll buy this one next cycle and never really got out of it until I went on a major Library book haul. And omageeze I am astounded at how spectacular this book was.
I expected it to be a Romance with some traveling and her finding her happiness in her famous boyfriend that she finally started dating after an entire book of fighting with this guy.
BUT, it was positively 100% better. I probably would have realized that if I had done my usual research and realized that the author was a Christian Fiction author. I was so happy with this book. The writing style was phenomenal. The story line was edge-of-your-seat fantastic. The characters were all a joy (well you know, they were constructed well), Only one or two of the characters seemed under developed in their roles but it was easily over looked.
Finley has gone through the past few years in devastation and personal failure. She has everything riding on her audition and she thinks that God has stopped caring about her. She is lost and hurt and angry and completely losing control of everything in her life. She tries to do everything she can to fix it and she honestly thinks she is doing the right thing. I connected with her so well and could really put myself in her shoes. I have never personally gone through every single thing she has but I still felt a connection.
Beckett Rush is misunderstood. Plain and simple. Everyone thinks he is someone he isn't and even Finley is surprised by who he is after she thinks she has it all figured out. I am not going to say to much about him but he was a joy to read and though romance was definitely not the sole purpose of this book it still had some great elements.
Finley's host family in Ireland is funny, loving, and fun and I absolutely fell in love with them all.
Finley meets some challenging people and they all get under her skin in different way's but she treats each situation exactly how she knows is best I am proud of how she did it.
This book made me want to read every single book Jenny B. Jones has written and makes me want to visit Ireland tomorrow. I am definitely going to buy this to put on my permanent shelf and I hope you enjoy it as much as me.

Buy Links


Friday, February 14, 2014

The Open Heart Chronicles

FINDING ME AGAIN by Amber Garza:

I know most people don’t find the love of their life at sixteen. But I did. At least that’s what I thought when I fell in love with Tripp Bauer. That’s why it was so hard when we drifted apart after high school graduation.

But I’ve never stopped loving him.

On a trip back to our hometown, I run into Tripp and the spark between us is undeniable.

Is it possible for us to find our way together again? Will I really get the happily ever after I’ve longed for?

Don’t miss the stunning conclusion to Tripp and Hadley’s story!

CONSEQUENCE by Shelly Crane:

Maggie and Caleb are married, leaders of their people, parents to their children, and happier than they ever dreamed, even with the visions they saw of it to prove it so. The council is still rebelling against Maggie’s changes, but this time it’s different. It’s almost as if something…or someone is behind them, pulling the strings and making decisions for them.

And Maggie is having strange visions that only she can see, leaving Caleb helpless to help her. But when her visions start to warn her that their daughter, Ava, will one day be in danger, they’ll do anything it takes to find out what’s going on and how to stop it, even paying a visit to a previous Visionary.

Maggie and Caleb must find out who or what is behind it all and stop them before Maggie is one vision too late.
HEART BREAKER by Lila Felix:

Breaker James isn’t the boy who is imprisoned in his home anymore. He’s not the guy who is afraid to leave the house. He doesn’t need Ash twenty four hours a day anymore.

Hell, he might not need her anymore at all.

He’s a heart breaker, pure and simple.

Love is easy when you’re secluded from the world within four walls.

Ash now has to learn how to let Breaker love her—without being his crutch.
ALWAYS by Amity Hope:

~Always is a companion novella to Ditched.

Now that Holly and Max are finally together, life in Harmony Bay should be nearly perfect. Their first Valentine’s Day together is quickly approaching. Between school, interfering family, and long lost friends that have reappeared it has the potential to turn into a complete disaster.

Or it could turn into the kind of night that neither of them will ever forget.
BREATHLESS MAGIC by Rachel Higginson: 

And they lived happily ever after…

Or that was supposed to be how the story ended. Unfortunately for Eden Kendrick, a new enemy threatens her beloved Kingdom, one more dangerous and deadly than ever before.

After enjoying a deliciously elongated honeymoon, Eden returns to the Citadel with her husband and happiness intact. She’s unexpectedly pregnant, but that’s just one more blessing to add to her blooming happiness.

Eden’s heart is full and her endless life has never been more happy. That is until Dmitri Terletov returns from the dead and threatens everyone she loves and the Kingdom she worked so hard to build.

This time around, Eden is supposed to be shielded from the conflict. She has her growing babies to protect now and Kiran wants her as far from the battle as possible. Although she’s a little stir-crazy with idle hands, she agrees that keeping away from Terletov and his deadly experiments is definitely the right course of action.

Unfortunately, Terletov doesn’t agree. And when he arrives at the Castle, uninvited and desperate for the Magic Eden once stole from him, she has no choice but to fight once again to save the people she was born to protect.
DERIVE by Jamie Magee:

Aden, son of Tarek, is a seer—an elite member of The Selected which stands guard before The Fall, the border between light and dark realities. Darkness was foretold at his birth along with the words ‘lavender waters will set you free.’ What Aden assumed to be a mythical prophecy, is eventually manifested in a ravishing beauty with long, lavender hair.

Skylynn had seen their future, the sacrifice and divide set before them. She told him they had three days—three days before they must part to meet in a distant future. Aden dares to challenge the limits set before him by empowering his innocent lover with words and energy as he plots to face the darkness predicted before it claims her—and their rightful future together.

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Failure and Sadness

So today is a little off kilter. I havn't been able to read to much at the moment, well I mean I have but I'm reading War and Genocide: A Concise History of the Holocaust (Critical Issues in World and International History) by Doris L. Bergen (Yes, for fun) and I just recently finished The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch, Jeffrey Zaslow which I think I am going to do a review on (Believe me it deserves one.) but I haven't gotten around to it yet (Curse you college!!!!). But yesterday I sat with my nine year old brother and read the greatest book I read as a child and since then. I love many, many books and just like in life there are different kinds of love and for my the love I reserve for this book is the deepest purest love I could give to any book.
The Giving Tree is the sweetest, saddest, most meaningful book any child could read. Shel Silverstien was and is my favorite misc. author and he is an absolute genius. And this book is no different. My bro is a rock ( a scrawny rock but a rock no less) he doesn't cry at sad parts or aww at the sweet ones. But this book broke him. And you might think why on earth would I want to read a book that I know will make me so sad. And I won't lie, it will. I am having a hard time right now but you will never regret your decision. It is layered in meaning and love. Its a book that you child will read and years and years later still remember it. I'm rambling but take my word for it. If you never trust me again in you blogging life trust me this once I love this story. 

The Giving Tree   <- Buy Link. 

Monday, January 27, 2014

Rain's Reviews: Reason to Breathe by Rebeca Donovan

Reason to Breathe by Rebeca Donovan

Reason to Breathe (Breathing, #1)
"No one tried to get involved with me, and I kept to myself. This was the place where everything was supposed to be safe and easy. How could Evan Mathews unravel my constant universe in just one day?"

In the affluent town of Weslyn, Connecticut, where most people worry about what to be seen in and who to be seen with, Emma Thomas would rather not be seen at all. She’s more concerned with feigning perfection while pulling down her sleeves to conceal the bruises - not wanting anyone to know how far from perfect her life truly is. Without expecting it, she finds love. It challenges her to recognize her own worth - but at the risk of revealing the terrible secret she’s desperate to hide.

Reason to Breathe is an electrifying page turner from start to finish, a unique tale of life-changing love, unspeakable cruelty, and one girl’s fragile grasp of hope.



Reason to Breathe is an emotional rollercoaster. The idea and the story was very good, but the writing was abrupt and ill explained. Emma, the main character, is living at her Aunt and Uncle’s house. For starters, it takes a very long time to figure out why she can’t live with her parents. And so it makes the situation she is in less accessible. Now say perhaps you got past that hurdle and you ran straight into her aunt’s abuse and ridicule. The level of abuse her aunt unleashes on her is obscene, and after each and every brutal beating we are expected to believe she (the aunt) can leave the room and be a loving and caring mother to her own children and never lash out? It seems extremely unlikely. And when Carol would throw “surprise attacks” at Emma the lack of reason and level of violence kind of made it difficult for me to take the situation as seriously as the author perhaps wanted me to. Once I started looking at Carol through the lense of an emotionally unstable psychopath I could take the events marginally more seriously but I still wish that the events where written about and integrated, somehow, more smoothly.

Emma is a stubborn little chick. And I can’t decide if its stupidity or misplaced chivalry that keeps her in the situation she is in. She knows how to leave her life behind. She knows that one call will get her into a better home. She knows that she can walk out of the doors and not come back but she can’t. But despite this fatal flaw she is a. O.K. character. Truth be told, she is a little boring. She doesn’t really talk, and when she does it’s either about Evan or saying something rude… to Evan. She is- understandably- wrapped up in her home life, or lack there of, and it makes for a bad conversationalist and no real sense of humor. I think the main reason I kept reading this book is for Evan and morbid curiosity about the abuse situation.

Evan is a fun-loving guy who brings out the best (and worst) in Emma. He is the interesting one, the funny one, the bearable one. I mean, seriously, all of the good attributes was given to the guy. Oh well, he does them justice. Now I really liked Evan. He had a good head on his shoulders, he made good conversation and he is really sweet. One issue I had is he is a bit of a whiner and he made a (few) butt-head move(s) but he thoroughly apologises for them and you can see the remorse so I don’t hold all of them against him.

Sara, the best friend, was one dimensional and not the best influence. I mean, who forces their ‘best-friend’ to go to a party she doesn’t want to go to and then ditches her? But she tries to be there for Emma the best she can, though, and always listens to her. So I’ll leave it up to you whether or not to like her.

The book was overall O.K. the questionable parties and frequent summaries of lengths of time passing both took from it. And like I stated earlier some of the events were hard to take seriously. If you really want a good romance about a girl from a broken home I suggest Emerge or Seeking Havok by Lila felix, or Pushing the Limits by Katie Mcgarry.



“I love that picture, he admitted softly. I think it's because I love the girl in that picture.” ~Rebeca Donovan (253)

Liberty Bay Books: Reason to Breathe

Monday, January 20, 2014

Rain's Reviews: Wide Open by Shelly crane

Wide Open by Shelly Crane

Wide Open (Wide Awake, #2)
Milo is trouble.

He lives it, breathes it. He embraces anything that numbs and takes his mind somewhere else, a world where his mother is herself and not just a shell, and his brother didn't almost kill her, severing any relationship they had. But more importantly, Milo drowns out the guilt for leaving his mother and not being able to forgive his brother. He drowns his pride and moves on to another girl and another party, pretending that life isn't moving on around him and he's stuck in the same place. He's stuck in the past and doesn't know how to let go.

Maya is trouble.

She's done the party scene and has had her fair share of close calls and handcuffs. Not the kinky kind. She's so over it all and fought like hell for that life to let go so she could move on. She now works as a teen counselor. Her life is better, but her life is empty. She has no one but her brother in the whole world left and he's sick with a disease that no medicine can cure.

When they meet, a romance that scares them both emerges, but the love you fight for is the love that can mend bridges, heal scars, and open closed hearts. They'll need each other, they'll want each other, they'll have each other.

But will it all come too late?~Goodreads



Wide Open was surprisingly good, and I only say surprisingly because of it New Adult rating. I have always tried to avoid New Adult because of the inappropriateness of the romance but when this came out I did some research and decided to put it on probation. And when I started reading it, I didn’t stop.

Milo is a self loathing and hopeful guy. He has put himself through Hades and now that he has finally pulled himself back out he’s convinced that no one can love him, forgive him, or look at him without hating him and what he’s done. But despite this negative streak it doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to be forgiven or loved. And in those moments and actions when he is being the best guy he can be, when he’s not thinking of all his screw ups. and how horrible he thinks he is you love him so much it breaks your heart to see him ridicule himself. He is the sweetest most caring guy towards Maya that you can’t wait to see him fit all his pieces back together.

Maya has a past she isn’t proud of and secrets she doesn’t want anyone to know no matter how close she is to them. She is so strong and so broken your heart breaks all over again. ( All I’m saying is Shelly crane must get pleasure from making her readers depressed.) She has been sober for four years but her life isn’t getting easier and her future is looking impossible. She is defeated-or so she thinks. But when Milo walks in- well- you’ll have to swoon for yourself.

Milo and Maya are possibly the most tragic story and heart-felt story Mrs. Crane has ever written and I am so, so pleased I didn’t pass it up.

The New adult rating is mainly for issues with drugs and alcohol. The romance did not go al the way but did get fairly steamy.




"There is something seeing and something being seen."


Monday, January 13, 2014

Rain's Reviews: The Paradox of Vertical Flight by Emil Ovtroski

The Paradox of Vertical Flight

The Paradox of Vertical Flight

What happens when you put a suicidal eighteen-year-old philosophy student, his ex-girlfriend, his best friend, and his newborn baby in a truck and send them to Grandma's house? This debut novel by Emil Ostrovski will appeal to fans of John Green, Chris Crutcher, and Jay Asher.

On the morning of his eighteenth birthday, philosophy student and high school senior Jack Polovsky is somewhat seriously thinking of suicide when his cell phone rings. Jack's ex-girlfriend, Jess, has given birth, and Jack is the father. Jack hasn't spoken with Jess in about nine months—and she wants him to see the baby before he is adopted. The new teenage father kidnaps the baby, names him Socrates, stocks up on baby supplies at Wal-Mart, and hits the road with his best friend, Tommy, and the ex-girlfriend. As they head to Grandma's house (eluding the police at every turn), Jack tells baby Socrates about Homer, Troy, Aristotle, the real Socrates, and the Greek myths—because all stories spring from those stories, really. Even this one. Funny, heart-wrenching, and wholly original, this debut novel by Emil Ostrovski explores the nature of family, love, friendship, fate, fatherhood, and myth.~Goodreads



The Paradox of Vertical Flight is a devastatingly intriguing book. I’m not sure how I’m supposed to explain what makes it so fantastic. The characters Jack, Tommy, Jess, and Socrates are so real and believable. Jack, the main character and narrator of the story, has a philosopher's brain with no one around except a baby to listen so the internal dialogue is pretty interesting.

Jack is constantly asking questions that make you feel like you can feel the enormity and infinity of the universe. And that coupled with a sarcastic edge makes his narration and personality unique and refreshing.

Tommy is Jack’s best friend and though he doesn’t operate on the magnitude of Jack he can keep up and is a great source of entertainment. With Jack and him in the car (or anywhere) together you will laugh until you cry.

Jess is the butt head ex-girlfriend that i could barely tolerate until near the end of the book. But perhaps I just didn’t understand her the way I was supposed to. To me she was a bitter whiny *bad word* that couldn’t say one nice thing to Jack or anyone else.

The baby is, well, something else. But you’ll have to read to find out what. The whole book was a discussion of the purpose of life and the definition of infinity that just so happened to be taking place in the midst of an impromptu and slightly illegal trip to Jack’s grandma’s house.




" 'I live," the man says, "always here. Never there. 'Til one day I'll be ever there and never more here, if, that is, there's a there at all.' "

Liberty Bay Books: The Paradox of Vertical Flight

Monday, January 6, 2014

Rain's Reviews: Roomies by Sara Zarr and Tara Altebrando

Roomies by Tara Altebrando and Sara Zarr


Roomies by Sara Zarr and Tara Altebrando

It's time to meet your new roomie.

When East Coast native Elizabeth receives her freshman-year roommate assignment, she shoots off an e-mail to coordinate the basics: television, microwave, mini-fridge. That first note to San Franciscan Lauren sparks a series of e-mails that alters the landscape of each girl's summer -- and raises questions about how two girls who are so different will ever share a dorm room.

As the countdown to college begins, life at home becomes increasingly complex. With family relationships and childhood friendships strained by change, it suddenly seems that the only people Elizabeth and Lauren can rely on are the complicated new boys in their lives . . . and each other. Even though they've never met.

National Book Award finalist Sara Zarr and acclaimed author Tara Altebrando join forces for a novel about growing up, leaving home, and getting that one fateful e-mail that assigns your college roommate.


Roomies was a quick read with unexpected depth. The story focused on two teenage girls who are going through rough times and their summer after high school and before college.

It was an honest representation of life as an older sibling with multiple youngling running around, and I am assuming it was just as honest when it came to the only child.

I enjoyed the way it was written and set up. There were a few lags but most of the time I did not want to put this book down.

Elizabeth and Lauren were great girls in the end but they definitely had their moments that I was like, “Come on get a grip!” But I suppose such is life. Lauren was kind of hard to get to like but once I warmed up to her she was not nearly as hard to keep up with as Elizabeth.

Overall it was a good read. The romance goes all the way, and there is some harsh language. At the same time I still recommended it to my sister after I finished, let me know how you feel if you read it. I would most assuredly like a second opinion.


Sunday, January 5, 2014

Blog Tour: Wide Open by Shelly Crane

Wide Open by Shelly Crane


My mouth tasted like vomit. That wasn't unusual. The arm creeping over my middle wasn't unusual either nor the way I felt completely repulsed and sick. I worked so hard, drinking, doing any drug that I could get my hands on, sleeping with any girl that looked in my direction and didn't slap me for my foul mouth as I told her all the things I wanted to do to her. Slurred, really.

I knew it wouldn't be long until Mason was there to pick me up. The small get-togethers, he wouldn't get wind of, but the big ones, he always came and tried to save me. It had been about a month since I'd seen him. He just didn't get it. I didn't want to be saved.

At least, not at first.

I hated him. I hated him with every fiber of my being for what he did to Mom. I couldn't stand to look at him let alone live with the bastard. So I started going out all the time just to get away from him, only seeing Mom during the day when I skipped school and Mason was at work.

But she never remembered me the right way, so it was pointless to keep seeing her. I just tortured myself by staying there and I wouldn't feel guilty for leaving. Finally, I spent so much time away that it felt like I didn't live there anyway and stopped going home.

Mason texted me so much that I eventually just tossed my cell out of the window of my friend's car one night. They laughed and laughed, whooping and telling me how free I was. We smoked enough dope to chill for the next day and a half. I never went back to school after that. I never went back home either. Why would I? No one understood me, no one really cared about me. They all just wanted me to 'make something of myself'.

But how can you do that when you don't even know the parts that make you up, the parts that make you you, the parts that piece together and make you feel whole. I hadn't felt whole in a really long time. I felt older than I was. I may be a seventeen year old, but inside I felt like I was fifty.

The girl next to me groaned and dug her nails into my side just a little. "What time is it?" her raspy voice breathed against my shoulder.

I leaned over the side of the bed and lifted my phone from my pants pocket. My new cell was dead. "Don't know. Does it matter?"

"I have to work tomorrow." She yawned and stretched.

I started to get up, but she grabbed my arm. I winced at the burn on the inside of my elbow. I looked down at it, seeing the bruising from the needles under her finger tips.

"I'm outta here." I shook her hand off.

"Wait. Why so eager to get away?" She rolled over on her stomach, her naked behind peeking out from the sheet, her feet swinging back and forth in the air. "You weren't so eager to leave earlier."

I scoffed. "Passing out and wanting to stay are not the same thing."

"Sometimes they are. Sometimes it just doesn't matter." She watched as I zipped my jeans, commando. "I'll cook you breakfast," she bribed.

I paused. I couldn't even remember the last time I'd eaten. I was so thin that I had to belt my pants to keep them up. I always crashed wherever I was or with a friend, ate whatever came my way, but sometimes it didn't come very often. For all intents and purposes, I was homeless, but had yet to sleep outside.

At her mention of food, my stomach decided to throw a fit. "What do you want for it?"

"Got any blow?"

I reached into my pocket and pulled out the little baggie. "Some."

"Split it with me," she said, biting her lip and sitting to let the sheet fall away. I stared at her chest since she was offering the view. She slithered up to me, unzipping my pants as she pressed her lips to my ear and said, "Come back to bed for a while, we'll hit the blow, and after, I'll make you some eggs."

"Why do you want me to stay?" I asked, not really caring, but wondering why she was offering me more sex and breakfast.

"Because," she pushed my pants down my hips, "my parents will be gone 'til tomorrow morning and there's nothing better than sex after a hit."

I watched as she took the baggie from me with her fake nails. She leaned forward and kissed my cheek before dipping her pinkie nail in and sniffing the little she took up her nose. She put her finger back in the bag and I took it, rubbing what was left of the powder on my gums.

Normally, I would have bolted, but I didn't have anywhere else to go anyway. The promise of food was almost as satisfying as the sex I was about to have.

She set up the lines and after we did them, one after the other, she pushed me down on the bed and straddled me. I rolled with the drugged ecstasy that crawled slowly through my veins as she groaned and moaned on top of me.

And that was how Mason found me.

The door opened and my head fuzzed over as I turned to look at him. His eyes locked on mine before he turned away, but not before I saw the disgust on his face. I gripped the girls hips to make her stop since someone coming into the room wasn't a clear enough cue for her. I pushed her off onto the bed and sat up, scooting to the edge.

I stared at his back in the doorframe. "Leave. I don't need you here."

"You do, Milo," he said before turning. He looked and he saw all there was left of me. I suddenly felt like I was wide open for him to see it all, for him to see all the rot and gore inside me. He shook his head, his eyes searching my face. "God, help me. You do need me."

I scowled. "No, I-"

"Milo…when's the last time you ate something?" He rubbed his hair. I noticed how good he looked. He looked like he'd gained some weight, the good kind. His arms and torso were bigger, new tattoos peeking out from his shirt sleeves. I realized it had been weeks since I'd seen him.

I stood and yanked my jeans on, spitting my words, hating how good he looked, knowing that he was happy with that girl that I'd seen before. "None of your fu-"

"Milo!" he scolded, just as a hand crawled around his arm. The girl - his girl - looked around him, the sympathy pouring off her in droves as she looked at me. He touched her arm, his fingers caressing, smoothing. He looked back at me. "Don't use that filthy mouth with Emma here."

She gulped as she looked at me. Her eyes lingered on my stomach before she looked up at my face. She smiled, just barely. "I've got some hot coffee in the car if you like mocha," she offered.

He looked at her again as she came to his side. They barely fit in the doorframe together. He circled her waist with his arm, looking strung out and guilty. It angered me that he felt like he deserved her or anything else that would make him happy. "Trying to lure me out with hot coffee," I mused angrily. "Wow, Mason. Getting the girl to do your dirty work for you."

"Milo," he snapped.

"It's my coffee," she smoothed over, "but you're welcome to it. I haven't drank any yet."

She rubbed his chest and he sighed. He looked at me again, renewed determination in his eyes. "Let us take you to get some food at least. Anything you want."

"No." I searched for my shirt and tugged it on roughly. I realized it was inside-out too late, but left it. I didn't care.

"Come on, Milo. You can still hate me, but do it while you're eating something." I gave him a droll look. "Milo…you look like hell, bro."

"Aw, thanks," I sneered.
"I'm serious," he said quietly. "Please, Milo."

He begged me. He had never begged before, just ordered me around, dragging me to my room, and then I'd sneak out before he woke up. He'd never tried to feed me before.

"Come with us, Milo," his girl asked. "There's an omelet place five minutes from here that's pretty amazing."

I gritted my teeth. I didn't want his charity. As if she read my mind his girl said, "I'm buying."

She smiled and tilted her head. I sighed, sticking my dirty-socked feet inside my boots without tying them. "Whatever. I eat, then I'm out." I looked over at them and glared. "Don't try to stop me from leaving."

"We won't," she insisted. She rubbed Mason's arm and looked up at him sadly. She looked as if she were about to cry. I had no idea why. It couldn't be for me. I didn't even know this chick.

I lead the way from the room. The girl I'd left on the bed yelled something at us. I could tell she was mad, not understanding what was going on, but I just kept walking. I was pissed, really, because she had gotten my last hit and I hadn't gotten off before Mason interrupted us.

Mason's car wasn't parked on the street. I looked for it, but blondie passed me and went to a big truck in the driveway. He got a new truck? How the heck did he have money for that?

I didn't say a word as I climbed into the backseat. She handed me the coffee and I snatched it from her hands, tossing the lid off, and gulping it down. It burned my tongue and lips, but my fogged brain was past the point of caring or stopping. As I finished it, I watched as she scooted all the way over to press against his side. They whispered things back and forth that I couldn't hear. The drive was short. Blondie had been right about that. We piled into a booth in the back, them on one side and me on the other, and I didn't even pick up the menu.

It pissed me off just smelling the food. My stomach growled so loud and hard it hurt. I was cold and rubbed my neck. When the waitress came, I ordered a root beer and a western omelet with cheese and hashbrowns. Mason ordered the same and the girl got waffles.

Before an awkward silence could settle in, she started talking. "I'm Emma, by the way." She smiled. I stared at their intertwined hands on the tabletop. Mason had never had a girlfriend before, really. He wasn't the touchy-feely type either. I was oddly fascinated at the way his thumb ran over her knuckles, over and over.

"Hi, Emma," I spouted sarcastically and let my gaze settle on her face instead.

She was one of those girls who was gorgeous by design and didn't even have to try. Her eyes, her nose, her cheeks. They all seemed to fit so perfectly. Her lips - they were Mason's favorite thing, other than her legs, which I knew were his absolute favorite. He'd always been a legs man. And she had some nice twigs on her, from what I'd seen. I settled my eyes lower on the barely-there sliver of cleavage that peeked from her top.

It was the first time I'd seen a girl blush in what felt like years. The girls I kept company with didn't blush. They were beyond that point, beyond the level that allowed them to feel embarrassed about sexual things. They'd done it all.

This girl… I shook my head and smirked at Mason. "Not sampled the goods yet, brother? She's mighty skittish."

"Shut your face, Milo," he stood and growled.

I was actually taken aback a little. This was as worked up as I'd ever seen him. And over a girl of all things? Holy crap. He was in love with this chick. I felt my hatred soften a little before snapping it back in place. I rubbed my neck again on that itchy, cold spot.

"Whoa, Nelly," I joked. "Calm the eff down. It was just an observation."

I laughed. It sounded strange even to my ears. It sounded like a sick person's laugh. I glanced at Emma and actually felt a little bad at the embarrassed way she tucked her hair behind her ears. I squinted. Was there a story there that I didn't know?

"I'm Milo," I mocked. "Nice to meet you, princess."

"We've met before and you know it," she countered easily.

"Yeah," I muttered and rubbed my cold neck. "I remember. You held my hair back as I puked." I laughed condescendingly.

"Basically." She smiled, not falling for my ploys to piss her off. "You're welcome, by the way."

I didn't respond to the beauty queen. I just pointlessly stirred my root beer. She was beautiful to the point of distraction, sweet and annoying all wrapped up in one, and I could tell that she had my brother wrapped around her finger whether she knew it or not.

And it pissed me off. Mason shouldn't be so freaking happy.

And he was, I could tell. He watched her when she wasn't looking. His entire presence shifted when she did. The waitress brought our food soon thankfully, and just as I was taking a bite, I saw the ring on Emma's finger.

"You're getting married?" I heard my gravelly voice say.

Emma pulled her hands off the table into her lap, as if unsure if I was supposed to know that. Mason lifted his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close, kissing her temple. It shocked the hell out of me how much I wanted to be happy for him.

"Yeah," he said low. "I asked Emma to marry me."

I didn’t ask when or how. I didn’t care.

"And she said yes," he continued harder.

"That's great," I spouted sarcastically with a mouthful of food.

"And mom's doing fine, too, by the way."

"I didn't ask," I growled and took another bite. I could see I was going to have to get out of here so the food-shoveling kicked up a notch.

"She has a nurse that comes and helps take care of her. I work with her every day on her exercises, but she still can't walk. She and Emma get along great, too. Emma was one of my patients and lost her memory as well."

I jerked my gaze up to the beauty queen. She was watching me with parted lips, her eyes practically begging me to give in to Mason and stop the feud. I wondered if she knew what Mason had done, how Mason had-

Mason leaned forward and glared as he barked, "Don't look at her like that. And yes, I told her all about me. How I'm the devil that destroyed your life and Mamma's. How I killed my best friend." She gripped his arm, tugging on it and pleading with him to stop. "She knows it all."

They stared at each other and I believed him that they had talked about it. It looked like they had talked about it plenty, in fact, but I could also tell that she kissed his boo-boos and made him think that it was all OK.

But it wasn't.

I chugged my root beer and grabbed both pieces of toast, wrapped them in a napkin and stuck them in my pocket, scooting down the bench seat. "I'm out here."

"Will you just eat, Milo," Mason said in exasperation. "I'm not going to make you come home. Just eat."

"You couldn't make me," I spat. I stood and leaned right in his face with my palms on the table. "Always trying to run my life. Good ol' Mason." I saw him flinch slightly at that. He stood, too, licking his lips angrily in an attempt to calm himself. "I hate you so much. You killed our mother."

"Our mother is alive," he replied loudly.

People in the restaurant were now privy to our conversation, but I went even louder. "What she is isn't alive! When she doesn't even remember me?"

"She remembers you," he countered.

"Not in the right way."

"She remembers you in the most important way. In the only way that truly matters."

"What could be worse than her not remembering me as I am?"

"Not remembering you at all," Emma said, barely. She looked up, her eyes dark. "When I woke up from my coma, I didn't remember anyone. Not my parents, or my friends, even the guy I had been dating. I still don't." Mason sighed as if all of this was exhausting. "It could be worse, Milo. She could not remember you at all."

"Doesn't matter," I steamed ahead, unwilling to let them deter me. "The fact is that you ruined my mom. It's pointless to even go see her because she won't remember that I've been there."

"Doesn't matter," he spouted back at me. "Doesn't negate the fact that you should come see her."

"Ooh," I mocked. "Using big words on little high school drop-out Milo. Whatever."

I turned to go, scratching my cold neck and feeling the rawness of my skin begin to set in. He grabbed my arm and before I knew it, I was looking at Mason holding his jaw as he leaned back against the table. Emma fussed over the blood coming from his lip with insistent ministrations with a napkin. I hadn't even realized I hit him until my hand started to ache. The entire diner was watching us with these looks of disgust on their faces. Well, they were watching me.

I shook out my fingers, wincing but not regretting it. I turned to go once more and heard Mason from behind me. "I love you, bro." That stopped me in my tracks. I didn't turn around. "I love you and I know that you won't ever forgive me. It took me a long time to forgive me, too. I would still hate me if Emma hadn't come along and showed me that I couldn't blame myself forever. It was an accident, nothing but. I not only lost my best friend that day because he wouldn't listen to me and drove anyway, and my mom, the way she was, but I lost you, too. I take care of Mom; I became a physical therapist to take care of her. But you, I don't know what to do for you, Milo. I don't know how to help you. If you ever need anything or want to come home, the door's always wide open. Always. I love you, even if you can't love me back."

I hated the fact that he made me want to turn around, to make-up and forget everything that happened.

I hated him. I hated all he'd done. I hated how he tried to reconcile every time I saw him. And I hated that he was getting this great, perfect little life with a wife and kids.

I didn't look back again as I weaved through the tables on my way out. He yelled my name and something about giving me some money. I should have taken it and would have had it been anyone else. But I didn't want his money.

I walked for a long time to a friend's apartment over the Irish Mug bar. Not only would he let me crash, but more than likely he had some smoke he'd front me. After Mason's little haphazard intervention, I needed it. I crossed the street to the bar and heard the honking before seeing the bright lights. I raised my hand and saw the car screeching to a stop right in front of me. He cursed and honked. I flipped him off and kept walking across the road. I heard him peel away as I climbed the stairs on the side of the building for his apartment. The bar was hopping, the music was so loud I couldn't even hear my footsteps up the stairs.

I knocked, but knew he couldn't hear me, so I tried the handle. When it turned, I pushed it open. He had called me a few times, but I never checked my messages. My phone was just a drug ferry basically. I never used it except for making a drug buy or find a friend's how to stay at because minutes cost too much for someone who never had money. I had odd jobs sometimes, but after you don't show up on time for a few days in a row, they can you. That was the only way I could buy minutes and buy weed on a regular basis. But usually, I floated until my next paycheck, whenever that may be, and some friends would front me some things if I didn't have the money.

But I was a little behind right now and owed a few people. OK, a lot of people, and a lot of money. Even my friend I was going to see had threatened to cut me off if I didn't pay him something. I usually just avoided the ones I owed money to.

I'd gotten into the other side of the business a couple times, but didn't sell much of it when I smoked it or snorted it instead. I had my foot broken once for not paying up when they realized the drugs were all gone and it was me who had used them.

I still walked with a little limp because I couldn't go to the hospital without them calling Mason or my mom. So my friend put a makeshift cast on me and I practically dragged the thing for a few weeks.

Nikko's place was dark and I couldn't hear anything but the noise below us. I turned the corner to find him on the couch, some girl on his lap. I turned around to keep her naked behind out of my sight. I heard him curse.

"Milo! What the hell, man?"

"Sorry, uh…" I peeked back, but it was still too soon and turned back around. "I wanted to see if I could crash here."

"Damn it, Milo…" He kissed her, I heard the smacking, and told her he'd see her later, that he needed to take care of something. She walked by me and gave me a sullen look for ruining her night. I turned to find him pulling a black wife-beater on. "Dude, you can't just come in like that."

"I knocked. The music's too loud." I stuffed my hands into my pockets. "Let me crash, OK?"

"Milo." He shook his head. "You look like a heap of hell, man."

"That's because I haven't had anything all day and my nosey brother wanted to flaunt his hot girlfriend in my face."

He sighed. "There's nothing wrong with getting lit on the weekends and making a living off of selling, but you...you're not just having fun anymore. You're hooked. You're hooked, messing with deals you shouldn't, and people are looking for you." He took a step forward, but looked at me sadly. "I tried to help you. I knew you had it rough at home, but…you can't stay here, man. Go."

Oh. It wasn't sadness he had for me, it was pity.

"Just for the night," I begged.

"I can't." He gulped and leaned against the kitchen bar. "Mikey's looking for you. And…so is Roz. Go. Now."

The curses piled in my head. I knew I owed him money, but for him to start actively looking for me wasn't good for my health.

But I needed a place to stay and I needed…something, anything to make me stop shaking and scratching. It felt like ants were in my veins and he needed to give me something. "Fine," I bit out. "Just…float me a J."

"You already owe me for ten joints, not to mention all the blow and nuggets I fronted you."

He looked around, nervous as all get out. My brain was in a fog. I didn't care if I slept on a bench outside. My friends usually came through for me, but lately they seemed less eager to let me stay. So fine, he could throw me out as long as he gave me something to tie me over.

"I'm good for it. My brother said he'd give me some money until I get back on my feet. I've got a job lined up starting next week," I lied. "It's just…been bad lately. I'm under so much stress."

"Classic druggie line," he scoffed. "Get out, Milo. The longer you stay here, the worst you're making it for me." We heard a car door outside and he sucked in a breath. "Go, man, now!"

I went to the window and peeked past the dingy blue curtain that the previous tenant had left and saw one of the guys who always set up my buys from Roz. I shook my head, backing away, and looked at him to help me. "Go out the back. And don't say I never did anything for you," he growled and went to the front door. "Go!"

I ran, but as soon as I opened the back door, there was another guy there. "You got Roz's money?" he asked.

I stalled and started the typical plea. "Well, I'll have it-"

He didn't wait for anything else. His fist connected to my jaw and I heard the crunch, knowing it was hurt tomorrow, as I went down. He followed me and gripped my collar in his fist before slamming my cheek with his free fist. He beat on me for so long and hard all over that I blacked out. I came out of it a couple times, but it was so blurry and the haze of pain was thick. I could never grasp onto reality.

No time passed at all for me. I closed my eyes and the next time I opened them, I was in a hospital bed. No one was there with me. It was a regular room, not the ER. I lifted my head to survey the damage and immediately regretted that hasty decision. My head hurt so badly, I thought I might black out again. I pushed with my elbows and made myself sit up. I touched my head to find a bandage, my eye was swollen, my lips all busted up, and my jaw was so sore, it hurt to even touch it, let alone try to open my mouth.

I remembered being brought there, the cops, they asked questions…

I had to get out of there.

Right then, that was the only thing that truly mattered. I had rolled over on Roz. I owed so much money to so many people, but none of that mattered compared to the fact that I told the cops Roz's operating spots and their names and everything. He was going to kill me.

I had no idea how long I'd been in the hospital and the lack of drugs made me way more lucid than the drug-induced stages I usually resided in. There wasn't any morphine in that drip because I hurt all over so badly, I thought I might vomit. The fact that they hadn't given me any morphine made me realize that they knew I was a…drug addict. There, OK, yes, if I didn't get drugs every day, I felt like I'd crawl out of my own skin. So, yes, I was addicted. And they knew it because they hadn't given me anything to help with the pain.

And I knew I was in deep.

It hit me all at once as I yanked the needle out of my arm how bad things had gotten. I'd ran myself into the ground. It had been way too long since I hadn't had anything in my system and my hands shook as I eased off the bed onto the floor. I tried to yank the hospital band off, but I was too weak. The name on the band read John Doe. So they didn't know who I was. I pulled on my jeans from the back under the bed. My body ached so bad all over, but I knew I had to get out of there.

Once all my clothes were on, I peeked out the blinds to see an officer standing by my room. I cursed under my breath. That was probably the only reason the Roz hadn't come after me. But the cops wanted me for something, and I could guess it was for me to roll over on Roz. They didn't just guard anybody; only the people who they wanted something from.

I pushed the food cart to slam into the bed and then jumped behind the door. When he opened it, like I knew he would, I waited until he came into the room. He cursed and moved forward, bending to look under the bed. I scooted behind him around the door and acted as normal as I could as I walked down the hall. I heard him on his radio as he said that the suspect was missing. Then he argued with them that he'd been by the door the whole time. I turned into the first stairwell I saw and took them as quickly as I could. I heard them coming from the lower floor and stopped. I could hear the crackle of a radio, so I jumped through the door with a peeling number four on it.

It led to an alcove in the hall and I waited for them to go up as they passed. When it was quiet, I opened the door slowly and crept my way down the stairs, out of the hospital, and into the street.

I didn't know where I was going, but I knew I had to get away. It was then that I knew I'd never see Mason or my mother again.

I went to the highway, even though it was almost dark, stuck my thumb out and waited for someone to stop and take me away - give me a ride to anywhere but there.

Two Years Later


I sat and looked at the envelope. It had the results of my GED exam. Finally, I was going to have a piece of paper that told me I had finished high school instead of just dropping out and being a runaway.

I flipped it over and over in my fingers. It wasn't like this was an application into Harvard or anything. It was a GED, but it was my GED. It was all I had.

"If you don't open that already, I'm going to stab you with my fork."

I glared up at Joey playfully. "Shut it."

Joey had been my friend for a long time now. It felt like forever, but had actually only been a little shy of two years. Joey worked at the shelter that I crawled into a few nights after I left the hospital. I hitchhiked for two days, sometimes with a ride, sometimes walking or sitting on the side of the road. I was starving, so weak I could barely walk, dehydrated except for a bottle of water a trucker gave me. They pulled me into the shelter at the church in some town.

Joey was the one who made sure I got a bed in the shelter that night and for the next two months while I tried to straighten myself out. There were many bumps in the road. I still wasn't sure exactly how many days the hospital had kept me, because I hadn't know even what day it was when I went in, but the detox had begun then. I struggled with it, but had already gotten through some of the hard part. They made it clear that drugs would not be allowed in the shelter and anyone on drugs after the rules had been explained would be removed.

To be completely honest, I fell hard off that wagon once or twice. I couldn't believe how hard it was. That first pill or sip or hit after days and days of not having anything was like pure ecstasy, my body betraying me and making me believe it was what I needed and wanted.

But Joey came and got me from wherever I was, yelled and told me how I needed to get straight, snuck me back into the shelter and made me promise never to do it again. Finally, that promise stuck. It's been over a year since that wagon had caused any problems for me.
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